Archive | April, 2015

Are You Waiting For Them To Change?

27 Apr

For many years, I desperately waited for my husband to change.  I would tell him what wasn’t working for me and he would listen and then promise to change.  It had to do with all the things I wasn’t happy with – our finances, our sex life, how we communicated, how we never did anything together.  Each time I would get my hopes up thinking this was the time things were going to be the way I had always wanted them to be.  I was so happy.

For a little while…….But after a couple of days, I realized nothing had changed.  He had forgotten.  My disappointment was a physical ache.  I would berate myself for getting my hopes up.  What was I, stupid?  Why did I think this time would be the time he would actually do what he had promised?   I would sink into despair until the next time “I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Finally, one day, when I had had enough, Mark promised that we would make all financial decisions together.  It seemed like he really meant it this time.  But when the opportunity came to put our son in a private school, he made the decision without me, knowing I was 100% against it.  Once again, his promised had meant nothing.  And, to make matters worse, he told me that he was fine with his decision, and,  if he had sacrificed our marriage to do it, he was ok with it.

I finally had to get real with myself.  This man made great promises, but nothing had changed in 18 years.  He was not going to change.  And why should he?  Why should he have to change?  Why couldn’t he be just the way he was?

And, waiting for him to change was a constant disappointment.  I wasn’t living life right now, but waiting for the day that he would be the way I wanted him to be.  My life was on hold while I was miserable.

So, the real question was, given he was how he was, did I want to spend the rest of my life with him?  It was my decision,   Not his.  I was done letting my happiness depend on whether he changed……  And so I decided………..(to be continued_