Being Disappointed – Instead of Pushing Someone Away, Get Closer

30 Mar

About a month ago, I discovered that when I’m disappointed, instead of just saying “Oh, too bad.  I’m disappointed.  I was looking forward to that,”  I get bitchy and pick a fight.

For example, if I was going to get together with someone and they told me they couldn’t make it, my immediate response would be “fine.  f— you and the horse you rode in on.”  I didn’t actually say it, but I would think it.

When I looked deeper, I realized that when they cancelled, I felt unimportant, that they didn’t want to get together, that I wanted to more than them, that I was an idiot, etc. all the way down the line of feeling bad.  It was hard for me to admit to someone that they meant something to me.  I had never wanted to give someone the satisfaction of letting them know I cared, but…..when I was finally willing to be vulnerable, magic happened and my relationships got better.

Now, I try to say, “I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to be bitchy, it’s just that I’m disappointed.  I was really looking forward to it.   What happened?  And, when can we reschedule?”

Often they will tell me what came up and then reschedule.  Their reason never actually has anything to do with me or how they feel about me.

It’s a much better result than getting into a fight and feeling bad all day.

Try communicating your disappointment the next time you get upset.  Speak about yourself and how you feel rather than blaming them and saying “you”.

Let me know what happens.

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