Progress is Being Made

I’ve hired a coach like I said.  It was an impulse, spur of the moment decision when I was out in California a month ago.

I had been talking to someone about relationships and how I was “ready to be found.”

He looked at me and said, “Nope, you’re not ready.”

I was about to argue with him.   But, if I was going to be honest, I was really NOT ready to be vulnerable and trust someone again after the last guy.  I thought about it.

“Damn it.  I really thought I was ready this time.  I guess I really still don’t think I’ll get what I want.  It’s still that unlovable thing.  I thought I was over that.  How long can I talk about the same issue.  It’s from when I was 2.  Won’t this ever go away?”

“The consultants can make things disappear,” he said.  The consultants are people in the Landmark Worldwide organization who are highly trained in listening.  They were the people conducting our year long seminar.  I loved them because I could completely be myself with them and there was no judging.  They encouraged me to “get into dialogue” and talk about things when I was upset.

“Really?”  I asked him, not believing.

“Yes, I’ve seen them to do it.  They have a powerful ability to listen to people so their life long issues just disappear.”

Well, I thought, if I could disappear this issue, I could actually have the kind of relationship I want in real life, not just in the fantasy of my own mind with someone who is not interested and not capable of it either.  I talked to a few people, and before I knew it, I was giving my new coach my credit card number to charge an unbelievably large amount of money.

It just felt like the right thing to do.   I have wanted a certain kind of relationship my whole life.  It has only existed in my fantasies.  And, there are other things I have wanted to do, like get my book published, follow my passion about inspiring other people to live the life they’ve always dreamed of, and becoming a speaker.

I don’t even know what I want to speak about, I just know I am completely alive and excited when I am speaking to an audience.

That was a month ago.  Since then I have had two calls with my coach.  And it doesn’t seem like much is happening when I talk to him.  However, if I look at the progress I have made since we started, it is truly amazing.

1.  I have had a few dates and people have all of a sudden offered to fix me up with people.  I hadn’t had a date or any interest in one before this, since the fall
2.  I co-founded a writing accountability group with two other writers.  We are accountable to each other for taking certain actions each week.  They are awesome, powerful women.  My promise was to read ten pages of my book.  The day before our call, I hadn’t done it.  And I didn’t want to.  But because I promised them I would, I printed out ten pages and forced myself to read them.   And I felt great about keeping my word.
3. I opened up my mouth in my California seminar.  I told them I was looking for a partner to help me publish my book.  Suzanne immediately texted her friend.  I talked to her, and then she introduced me to Maryann.  It took a week to connect with Maryann but last night we finally talked.  I sent her my book while we were on the phone.  She is going to look at it and give me a proposal on how much it will cost to get it into a state that is publishable.  She is exactly who I was looking for.  That is a miracle.
4. A friend sent me an article.  The author found his identity using a woman, Sandra,  who specializes in linked in.   Sandra and her people read through all of his work, web sites, blogs, etc and figured out his purpose and his community role.  It resonated with me and I emailed Sandra.  After a conversation, I hired her company to do the same with me.  They will sort out my confusion reflected in my linked in, facebook, web sites, and blog to determine my purpose, and then make me Linked in reflect who I really am.  Sandra said that by just reorganizing my linked in page alone, it will result in more business.
5. I hit my numbers for the first quarter at work.
6. I learned that not listening does not mean no love.  That is huge for me.

All that in only one month.  And I have 11 more months left of this coaching.   Who knows what can happen?  I’m glad I took the leap of faith.