The Best Gift

10 Jun

Monday is the deadline for my project to obtain 50 comments.  I am in Los Angeles at a course with a couple of hundred people.  I have been asking people to comment.  And, I’m clear, they either will or they won’t.

And either way is ok.  Because I went for it.  I went for a breakthrough result and it’s only Saturday and I am still going for it.  And that feels great.  I’m playing the game.  And, the results don’t actually mean anything.  And, that’s a miracle.

Because a month ago when I went for it and nobody commented, I was devastatingly disappointed.  I quit the whole blog, life, and participating in the world.  I just stopped talking about it and was going to bury it under the title, “bad and idea stupid idea.”

Then I confessed to my seminar group leader.   He told me to get “off it.”  I said no, but after several times, I finally said ok.  And I got back in the game.   And I became alive again.  And realized I am writing this for me.  I love writing this blog.  And, whoever reads it, great.  And if no one does, I am still enjoying the writing.

My daughter and her friend, Laurence are here with me.  And when I told them about my project, they started printing up signs and telling people and passing out slips of paper asking people to comment on my blog.

No matter who comments.  That they were on my side, for me, and willing to put themselves out there for me.  I am kvelling.  I am honored.  I am beside myself with appreciation.

And, my poor baby, Haley, got yelled at.  For putting a piece of paper on the wrong table.  And she is really upset.  And I don’t know how to make her feel better.  I wish I did.  But wait, …….maybe I actually do.  Because what do I want when I’m upset?  ……..For someone to just get it.  To validate me.  To hold me and tell me they love me even though I’m upset.  So that’s what I will do.

And, the other thing she is doing for me is to try to make me have a great birthday tomorrow.  And, even though it’s not turning out like she wanted it to, I am honored.  I am thrilled.  That she cares and that she is trying.

So if it’s just Haley and I, I will be happy.

And I just have to make sure she knows……that she is my gift.  No matter what.


14 Responses to “The Best Gift”

  1. Joni June 11, 2017 at 1:47 am #

    Hey this is the first time I’ve ever read a blog. Glad it’s yours, Hillary. Great job!!

  2. Maureen (Renee) June 11, 2017 at 8:30 pm #

    Glad you have continued writing.
    Haley is a good daughter.
    Happy Birthday to you!!

  3. Tracy June 11, 2017 at 8:39 pm #

    You are amazing!! Thank you for bringing your beautiful self to L.A. and introducing us to your gift to the world, Haley. Happy birthday sweetheart!

    • tiredoffeelingbad June 11, 2017 at 8:47 pm #

      Thank you for everything!!! Including your beautiful wonderful self!!!😍❤️😍❤️😍

  4. madtoursla June 11, 2017 at 8:40 pm #

    Thank you for bringing your beautiful self to L.A. and for introducing us to your gift to the world, Haley. Happy birthday sweetheart!

  5. tiredoffeelingbad June 11, 2017 at 10:05 pm #

    Great to read your blog. Happy birthday

  6. tiredoffeelingbad June 12, 2017 at 12:28 am #

    What if all of it doesn’t mean a thing none of it means anything. The gift. All of it. Then what is available. How about being with her not knowing who she is and not knowing who you are..

  7. Jamaal W. June 12, 2017 at 4:13 am #

    Wow. I sometimes just want someone to get it. Not solve it but just put themyin my shoes for one second. Its amazing how that can lift the load. Self-expression, empathy and love. I have an amazing life because I know that at anytime, I can pick up the phone and have that listening ear on the other end of the phone. For that I am grateful.

    • tiredoffeelingbad June 12, 2017 at 12:59 pm #

      Yes. I love it. Thank you and miss your genius and handsome face!!!!!

  8. Angela June 12, 2017 at 4:59 am #

    Love this!!!

  9. Angela June 12, 2017 at 5:00 am #

    Love this!!! Thank for creating yourself and sharing xx

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