Crumbs No More!!!!

28 Jul

Ok folks.  This morning I was in a terrible state.  I have been hung up on a guy that has been feeding me crumbs.  Wonderful crumbs, but crumbs.

I would be lifted up into the sky in a euphoria haze after he told me how me he loved me and then come crashing down two days later when he either disappeared (again) or didn’t deliver on what he said.

I was really upset this morning about another disappearance after possibly the best crumbs ever and so I vented in an email to my coach.  I realized that this is my pattern.  I feel  stupid for caring and being upset.  It’s my fault for caring.  After going on and on about how dumb I was, I came to a conclusion.  It’s ok to care AND I want more.

This afternoon I had scheduled a free 45 minute conversation with a woman I had talked to before.  She had been referred to me because she had written a book.  She wrote the book called “Lovable.”  She is an “International Dating & Love Life Coach”.  Coincidence?  I don’t think so.

I told her what was happening with this guy.  “Cut him off,” she said.  “He is a narcissist.”

Wow, I thought.  So was my ex husband and most of the guys I dated.  Guess it’s who I’m attracting.

She asked me what the gremlins were saying in my head.

“I’ll never find someone I really like.  Only the married and disgusting guys pursue me.  I won’t find someone available who is a good match.”

She taught me to change my mindset.  What I am now going to tell myself 8000 times a day is:  “I am attracting extraordinary, single  men who are looking for a romantic partnership.”

Over and over again.  Tell myself that.  It will change my brain pattern.  She also told me that I sound masculine on the phone.  Well, ok.  I need to work on my feminine energy.  What is that I am still wondering.

I guess I have something to learn about.

And she told me the conversations I could have.  Play with men with my feminine energy.  I wanted to cry.  I don’t want to do that.  This male energy protects me.  I can act like I don’t care.

But, I am willing to do the work since having a great relationship is my dream.  And, at my age, I am no closer to it then when I was two.

I know if I don’t do something I will keep attracting the narcissists who I don’t speak up to.  And keep getting crumbs.   I have no clue what I am doing and I am tired of being upset over this.  I am tired of narcissists who make me feel bad for being disappointed when they don’t keep their promises.  Then I feel like I’m high maintenance.  WTF?

I asked her what her program was.   And I hired her.

CRUMBS NO MORE!!! Will be my new motto.

I will be blogging my progress.  Keep tuned.  And, this will remind me to do my homework.

“I am attracting extraordinary single, attractive men who are also looking for a romantic partnership.”

Why not?

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