Oops – I forgot I had a Great Life

3 Apr

Finally, after 6 hours of searching, I figured out how to change my sub-title for this blog.  So I have replaced the Menopause sub-titl with “Oops – I forgot I had a Great Life………..

Today I was at the gym.  A different one than normal.  I saw a guy I knew from high school.  He was a class above me.

“How’s it going?” he asked me.

In that split second I remembered that the last time I saw him my father was still alive, but struggling.  Sadness took over my voice and all I could say was quiet  “ok.”

“Come on,” he said. “It’s a beautiful day.  Life is good.”

I was tempted to tell him about my dad, but something made me tell him instead about my plans to meet Renee, who he also knew, for breakfast.  She just moved to his neighborhood.  I tried to be upbeat as we chatted about where he lived  and how she should come visit, etc.  I smiled, pretending I was REALLY HAPPY ABOUT MY LIFE.

And I walked away thinking, “he probably thinks I am just a sad, pathetic, negative phony jerk.”   My good feeling from my work out had disappeared after our conversation, with me wondering what was wrong with me that I couldn’t just be upbeat and happy all the time like him.

I told Renee about it and she said, “if you tell people about your Dad, they will have more freedom around the sadness.  It changes everything.  You don’t have to pretend to be happy.”

Oh, I thought.  Well I could try that instead.  Would be easier.

Later today, while on my deck, in the sun, I was reading a book called the Charisma Myth.  It was talking about that exact thing.  How if we can prevent, identify or address the internal discomforts that cause our faces and bodies to display negative body language, we can minimize how it affects others.  People can sense when we have a negative thought, physical discomfort, or unhappy emotion.  They subconsciously think we are responding to them and it can put an unconscious barrier between us.

The book also addresses “feeling bad about feeling bad,” one of my all time ‘send me over to the wrong side of life’ triggers.  Not only do I feel bad about something, but I think I shouldn’t feel bad so I feel even worse.  Again, I thought I was the only one who did this.

It’s all learning and I guess we are never done.  That’s what makes life exciting, right?

And it’s all on the path to freedom.

Thanks for reminding me I have a great life.

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