Messed up again

I’m stressing out about work.  Which is crazy since I was paralyzed by anxiety all of March trying to hit my numbers.

And I hit them.  So one would think I would actually be enjoying myself and basking in my success instead of f—–d up in the head so soon afterwards.

The problem is that in sales, the clock just starts over again.  But because I was so behind, I didn’t line up appointments for April.  And, I have made calls the last two days and haven’t booked any appointments.  So the panic is back.  WTF!

Why can’t I just learn to relax, be present, enjoy life, and live for today?  Why do I always have to be freaking crazy?  Good question.

Why do I think of Psycho (I really shouldn’t call him that, but it actually gives me a chuckle) when I am upset?  I guess because I think that having somebody could save me from all this.  (The prince rescue syndrome I call it.)

I guess I’m just on the left.  And that’s why I started the blog in the first place.  To learn tricks to get from  the Blob that I am now to happy again.

I just described this in the Blog’s “About” today.  I started the blog 5 years ago and just came out of the closet and told people about it in the last week.  My milestone for my Freedom project, I just decided, is to have 100 followers for the blog by June.  And, up until last week, I was afraid to tell anyone about it.

One of the ways to get out of it is to look at what you’re upset about.  Talk to someone, write it, or just figure it out.

Don’t resist it.  Don’t make it wrong.  Just look at it.  Take it apart. So, I am feeling hopeless.  I was up a pound at weight watchers and I am trending up instead of down.

I can’t figure out how to make my sales this quarter.  I really can’t.  And the thought of getting off my ass and prospecting on foot just makes me feel tired.

And, I just got a text from my date from Saturday night.  He wants to see me again and I just don’t want to.  And I’m afraid to tell him the truth.  But, the thought of it just makes me want to drink and eat and that’s a bad sign.  I think when I drink and eat too much on a date it means I don’t really like them.

With Psycho, I didn’t do much of either, I was just so happy to be with him.  It didn’t matter where we were.  And I want that again with someone new, to look forward to seeing them instead of dreading it, ………..blah blah blah I think I say that every day.  But it’s true.  I had it before and I will have it again.

I will not make myself wrong for being in a funk.  I will just need a plan for doing my numbers.  Track my food more carefully.  Avoid the teriyaki sauce the day before weigh in.

OK – RESOLUTIONS – 2 hours later – what a difference some time/wine makes!!!!

I told the date that my instincts were telling me no.  That I wouldn’t see him again.  He was very nice, etc., but I have learned to trust my instincts.  Wow do I feel better.  I was actually talking to another on-line potential about what to say.  Tonight’s man told me that he hates when the girls just don’t respond at all. They just disappear.   So I decided that honesty is the best policy even though it is hard.  Being “nice” and not telling the truth is actually not nice at all.  So, I told the truth.  And I feel free.  Wow!!!

Next – I will change my context for work.  Instead of it being hard and a struggle, I will change my context to “this is easy and everyone wants to buy from me.”  Work is fun.  I will soar above my numbers this quarter.

In terms of the weight, I know what to do.  I need to track and not fool myself with things like nachos and beer and chips.  I can count them if I want to eat them, but bowlfuls of them are probably way more than I am counting them as.   I won’t have teriyaki sauce the night before the weigh in.

Ok, enough for now.  Gotta get to bed!!  Alarm goes off at 4:00 AM to get to the gym!!!!  YAWN!!!!!