Saying NO

Why is it so hard to say no?  I wanted to tell the guy from last Friday that I was not interested, but I couldn’t.

I said anything but no, thinking he would get the message.  But he still kept calling and texting.

“Ugh,”  I thought.  “WTF?”

And then I realized it was me. I wasn’t being clear.  I was talking around it.

So I sent him one last text.  “We don’t want the same things.  This isn’t working for me.  I’m sorry.  Thank you for your generosity.”

And I blocked him.

Why was it so hard to be straight and say NO.

On another Wisdom call, I brought up my struggle.  “We are taught that NO is bad by 2 years old.  We unlearn how to say it,”  Joyce, our wise wisdom leader said.

The Wisdom course, among many things, looks at the ages of some of our conversations.  When we get stuck at a young age, we only have the capacity of that age.

I didn’t want to be bad, mean, or hurtful to this guy.  Plus, I didn’t want him to get mad.

In “Lovable,” Suzanne tells us that if this is not resonating with what we want, then it is just not the right person.   And, I feel much better not having to deal with him.  I don’t miss him.  But a part of me does feel bad for some reason, and this week I lost different parts of my computer, hurt my hip, and couldn’t think clearly.  And I thought that God must be punishing me in some way.

But, I got clear about that last night.  I have been a “clearing” for “that I do stupid things,”  “I am bad and deserve to be punished,” and “life is hard.”  So, I am creating a new clearing as of today.

“Life is fun and easy.  I have my shit together.  I am perfect as I am.”

Things are looking good now.   I found my computer, and got the missing chord and pen back.  Plus, the car I backed into  didn’t have any damage.  So as soon as I find the notebook I use for work, I will be all set.

Thanks for listening.  I am going to post this now.  I have been reworking it since last week and I am tired of trying to “get it right.”