I was really annoyed last Saturday at a course I was taking. And I didn’t think I should be. And it was obvious. I was acting like a freaking monster, picking fights left and right. I had to leave early. I couldn’t wait to go off and be by myself. Because I hated everyone.
But the main person I hated was me. What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I happy? I shouldn’t hate everyone. I shouldn’t be so miserable. I should be wonderful and skipping through the tulips like all the other pollyannas. But instead, everything anyone did or said sent me further into my tizzy.
The next day I went back to the course. I knew I needed to talk to someone. Everyone else was so happy. I took one of the leaders aside and told her how I was feeling. Instead of telling me I should be happy, she told me that yesterday she had felt the same way.
“Embrace your negativity,” she said. “You are powerful no matter how you are, so your negativity is just as strong as when you are positive. You can’t fight it. You just have to treat it as a friend and take it with you.”
I wasn’t sure that I understood that. But later, someone told me to just accept being annoyed. Or frustrated. Or angry. Don’t make it wrong. Just acknowledge it. No judgement.
So I’ve tried it, and it’s been very freeing.
And then tonight the funniest thing happened. I had a call with some other writers, and one of them got on ranting and raving about how annoyed she was with some people she had been with last night. She hated them. She never wanted to see them again. She went on and on and on detailing how she had fought with them and even her boyfriend was mad at her.
I started laughing.
“Why are you laughing at me?” she asked.
“Because that’s exactly how I was Saturday. It’s amazing. I was annoyed and hated everyone, too. But by getting into dialogue with people, I learned to accept however I was. It has given me freedom.”
We continued to talk about how to use our feelings to make a difference for everyone. Instead of hiding our negative feelings and making ourselves nuts, we can actually tell people. Other people may be feeling the same. We can step into the community instead of wanting to leave it.
The third person on the call hadn’t said a word. We apologized for our rant. There was silence.
Finally she said, “I’m just glad it’s not be that’s annoyed this time.”
And we all laughed.
And the amazing thing is, I’m now looking forward to being annoyed or frustrated so I can try out my new strategies. And that’s a miracle.
tiredoffeelingbad 
I am also learning to acknowledge my feelings instead of ignoring them. If I am angry I will yell instead of my past way to not deal (cookies, ice cream etc) it is not easy but I am learning to accept me for me
It’s different, isn’t it? I am so not to used to just accepting my feelings. I think i always tried to be good, pleasing, low maintenance, and to be liked. So allowing myself to be angry and voice it, or annoyed and accept it, is really strange and uncomfortable. Also frightening.
But why shouldn’t we stick up for ourselves? Why should we eat instead? I’m proud of both of us. Thanks Aunt Patty. I love your feedback.
At such a confusing time in my life this entry gives me another perspective I really needed. The irony of actually looking forward to frustration and tackle it before it even effects me is something I’ve never thought to do.