Guess I’m not too old to have fun

I am on the plane flying home from a 3 day 3 night stay in Cabo.  It is a beautiful place.  We stayed at the Grand Fiesta Americana.  There were 600 AFLAC associates and coordinators in the resort.  It was all inclusive which is a dangerous thing.  All the drinks and food were free.

I won the trip when I hit my numbers the last few quarters and I was allowed to bring a guest.  I brought my 21 year old son, Jesse.

I was happy to be on vacation, in a beautiful place with my son.  But I couldn’t escape this feeling of malaise.  Like something was wrong.   I was horrified at myself.  Everyone else seemed to be laughing and enjoying themselves.

We were sitting with some friends the second day for lunch.  One of the guys asked, “Are you having fun?”

My son said, “yes.”  He had stayed out until 3:00 in the morning with some of the other 20’ish children. He had a ball with them exploring the resort, drinking, and ordering free room service at 2:00 AM.

Then they looked at me.  “It’s nice.”

“Nice?”  they said, stunned.  “Why aren’t you having fun? What’s wrong with you, girl?”

I thought about it.  I didn’t know what the problem was.  Finally, tears filled my eyes and  I blurted out, “I think I’m too old to have fun.  Everyone here is so young.  I went to sleep last night at 10:00 PM.  I feel like I’m just too old and boring.”

“You’re not too old to have fun,” one of the guys said.  “That’s ridiculous.”  He looked me in the eyes.   ” We are going to have to do something about this.”

He and his friend left to go to the pool.  I started thinking.  Was I just living on the left?   I didn’t think it was possible on vacation.  I was horrified at myself but as I’ve learned, making myself wrong just makes whatever it is worse.  I was feeling old, and fat, and ugly and boring.  And I just looked forward to going to sleep and hiding from everyone.

All of a sudden I remembered our possibility from the trip.  Fun, free and fabulous.  Oh shit.  Oops, I had forgotten it.

The next day instead of staying by myself on the beach, I started hanging with other people.  I jumped into the pool where the fun guys were.  They were happy to see me and I felt like I definitely fit in.  Later I met another couple on the beach and had a great conversation with them.

Whenever my fat thoughts came into my head, I remembered a chapter from my “Thighs” book.  Guys don’t care about your body flaws.  They think women are ridiculous for making such a big deal about bodies.  They just love naked women.  Period.  They don’t have as many rods in their eyes so they don’t see as much details or something.   So what was I worrying about?

I started walking around proudly, strutting my stuff, my extra five pounds and all.  Well, why not?   There were plenty of bigger women all around me who didn’t look the least bit self-conscious.  I took a page from them.

And then, yesterday, instead of just staying at the resort like I usually do, I decided to branch out and give Jesse a little tour of the place.  Rather then spending more then I wanted on a six hour tour, I worked with the hotel travel guy and designed our own shuttle plus boat tour for $25 apiece.  I was proud of my resourcefulness, especially when our first option did not turn out.

We could see why it was so cheap when we were crammed into a van with 12 other people and then we had to wait 20 minutes to get going.  But we got what we paid for and enjoyed every minute of it.  We all laughed as we toured the cove with it’s beautiful rock formations, sea lions, and entry into the rough Pacific Ocean.  Sitting on the front of the boat, getting sun, laughing and looking at the beautiful scenery was the highlight of our trip.

After the boat ride we had an hour before going back to the resort.  We found the  Mango Deck, where we thought some of our friends might be.  There they were, hooting and hollering at a VIP table right by the stage.  We watched a dance contest for the men.  Next was the women’s contest.  The MC asked for female volunteers.  I boldly got up on stage with the 20 year old women and played a game of Simon Says.  We had to get different men out of the audience and get back fast with them.  It was like musical chairs and the last person back was out.  I found a white man and a Mexican, but couldn’t find a black man.   So I was out.  But it was fun and I was proud of myself for volunteering.

We bought souvenirs for the people at home with the $60 I found in my shorts pocket.  We took the shuttle back, and got ready for our dinner.  I wore my new black dress and was told I looked “sexy.”  I started dancing when they played some of my favorite 70’s songs.  I got the crowd going to Love Shack and Brick House.  I was in the moment and having a great time.

I guess I wasn’t too old to have fun after all!!!