I Need An Escape Plan

Today I’m tired.  It’s rainy and damp and I just want to go to sleep.  I am invited for dinner to my mother’s.  My kids are there.  I “should” want to go to be with them, right?

But I’m tired.  I’m in my sweats and I don’t feel like moving.  And I think that’s wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I’m probably on it but I’m too tired to care.

Maybe there’s something else going on.  It could be that I finally found out when I am moving.  June 15.  21 days from now.  I found out yesterday.  The good news is that I can keep some of my stuff in one of the rooms of my little cottage so I don’t have to move everything.

The other news – I won’t label it bad – is that I will be moving in with my mom.  It sounds like a really great idea in theory.  I am lucky to have her.  She’s alone now.  I won’t have a commute.  My stuff will all be in one place.  I won’t have to pay rent.   And, sometimes we get along really well.

But there’s the other times……..she asks a lot of questions.  (And so did my ex…..by the by).  And, once I tell them all that I know, there is nothing left for me to say…..but the questions keep coming anyway.  And, it feels like an attack.

You should have asked this.  You should have asked that.  Why didn’t you ask this.  What about that?

And, I get annoyed, then mad, then it turns ugly, then I just want to run the fuck away……..so, the thought of being stuck here 2.5 months really freaks me out.   (OK, so I am writing this at her house.  My ex came to visit the kids.  We were having a discussion and it was just very ugly.  I felt like I was getting ganged up on and I am steaming).

I was hoping that maybe I wouldn’t really have to move.  But, now I have the answer.  The “kids” of my landlords use the beach cottage in the summer.  So, I always knew I would probably have to move but the landlord had hinted maybe I wouldn’t, but, now I know for sure that I do.   So,……………….

But, in the last few minutes, I took an action.  I texted my friend, Renee, who had offered me a bedroom in her apartment for the summer.  She is renting a 2 bedroom and will charge me $500 a month.  I hadn’t given her an answer before, but just told her if it’s still available, to keep it for me.  Even though I may or may not use it, I think the $500 of knowing I would have another place to live will be worth it.  I don’t know if I can stay here without an escape plan.

My son and ex are much better and more patient with my mom.  I try.  I really do.  But, I can only take so much.  A breakthrough is needed.

I can’t expect her to change, so I am the one that will need to react in a different way.  I just have no clue right now.

Any suggestions?

Desperate in Connecticut

PS Now I know how it is for the other person when I am asking the questions.  ANNOYING!!!!!  Good to know.

PPS  A possible strategy:  It might help to know WHY they are asking the questions.  Once you know the motive (I worry if I don’t know if the kids are coming home, because I care about you, etc.), you can possibly have more compassion.