I am Amazing?

23 May

113 Posts

Above are my stats.  I was going for 25 posts and 25 comments by last night.   I guess I hit my milestone, but…………. 

Last night I had a seminar.  In the seminar we are working on Breakthrough Projects.  My seminar was the blog.  My possibility was Freedom.  I got up in the front of the room and told the people in my seminar that a week ago I had been ready to quit writing this blog.  I had decided it was just a dumb idea and I was NOT going to do it anymore.  And, if it hadn’t been for Omik, my group leader, I would have stopped.

But he called me on my crap.  He told me I was “on it.”  All I had to do was “get off it. ” I argued with him.  I was not interested in continuing.  But, finally I decided he was right.  I got off it.  It was like a physical change in my body.

I looked to see what I could do.  I promised to share my blog with 5 people a day.  I would text Omik at the end of each day telling him what I had done.

And look what happened in only a week.

I had 1738 views.  And, my “About” got 288 views.

“I guess that’s pretty good,”  I told the seminar last night.  “But I was going for 25 comments and I don’t think it really counts because some of them are just my replies,”  I added..

My seminar leader just looked at me.  “Are you serious?”

“Yes,”  I answered.

“Why don’t you get what you did?”  my seminar leader asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, wanting to argue.  I thought about it.  “I guess I always diminish my accomplishments.  It’s hard for me to see I did anything good.”

“Well, when are you going to stop doing that?” she asked.

“I don’t know,”  I said softly.

“Well,” she said looking straight into my eyes.  “What kind of person would get over 1700 views?  What would you call that person?”  she asked.

I couldn’t talk.  Tears came to my eyes.  “Amazing,”  I said,  the tears now streaming down my face.

“Well, can you get that you are amazing?” she asked.

“I’m not sure,”  I whispered.  “It’s hard.”

“Well, are you willing to give up your lousy opinion of yourself and get who you are?”

I just stared at her.

“Think about it.  ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE UP THE DISEMPOWERING VERSION OF YOURSELF THAT IS IN YOUR MIND?”

Silence.  The whole seminar was watching me.  My mind argued against it.  I can’t say I’m amazing.  That’s conceited.  No one does that.  What if the stats are fake?  What if it’s not true?  What if it all disappears tomorrow?  But what was my choice, really?

“OK,”  I said, knowing that being disempowered is a lousy way to live.

“Tell the seminar.  Pick 5 people and tell them.”

I looked at a girl in the front row.  “I AM AMAZING” I yelled.  It felt kind of good.

I picked a guy on the other side.  “I AM AMAZING”  I screamed.  It felt really good.

I repeated it 3 more times.

The whole room started clapping.

“Thank you,” my seminar leader said.  “For being generous, authentic and brave.  That was a great demonstration for the whole seminar.”

“You’re welcome,”  I said, wiping my eyes.  I grabbed a tissue from the box and headed to my seat, high fiving everyone I passed.

Could I really stand for myself being amazing?  Why should that be so hard?  It’s the same way I felt on the plane when I argued with myself about whether to be happy.  (See Happy?  Me? blog post).

Why not?  I say imitating my new Mexican associate’s adorable accent.  Why the f—k not?

So, I guess I AM AMAZING!!!!!

And, if I am, then SO ARE YOU!!!!!!!

 

 

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