How dare you settle for less!!

21 Jun

How dare you settle for less when the world has made it so easy for you to be remarkable?

Seth Godin – Speaker and Author

I love these daily quotes from Bob Proctor’s insight of the day.  They remind me to get off it about myself and be AMAZING.  And, sometimes what I need to do is communicate and trust that whatever is going on can be worked out in dialogue.

Yesterday I was accused of having a big mouth by my workout buddy.

“I can’t tell you anything because it would be “all over town,” he said, gritting his teeth.

I seethed all yesterday.  After being in a terrible mood all day, I finally told my mom about it last night.  Her response as always, was to  “consider the source.  Why would you let your body get all unhealthy over anybody?  When I’m upset, I ask myself why am I letting somebody make me feel this way.  GET OUT OF MY BODY, I say.  And it leaves.  And I never think about it again.”

As great as that is for her, I was still upset.  And, I know that when I am hurt I get obnoxious and sarcastic.  So, today,  rather than get insulting, I told him that his comment really made me mad.

“You do have a big mouth.  Aren’t you writing a book? Why would you tell people about that?”  he said with the same about of vehemence as yesterday.

“For your information,” I said. “I am proud that I finished my book.  Most people just talk about it.  I did it.  And, my book is not about you.  You are not that important to me anymore.  Don’t flatter yourself.   The world is not always talking about you.”

It got a little ugly for a while.

“I won’t go to the beach anymore,” he said out of the blue.

“Why?”

“I just don’t.”

“Well, I do.  I loved our time at the beach.  But I get sad passing by places we used to go.  You think that’s why you avoid it?”

“Yes, I don’t like to think about it.”

We agreed that we  used to have a great time.  “We were tight,” he said.

It had been almost a year since he slammed the door on our relationship.  I needed to know something.

“How could you have been so devoted to me one minute and then completely shut me out the next?   How could it change overnight?” I blurted out.

“I don’t know.”  he said, keeping his head down while he stretched.

“Well, I think it was the day after my birthday.  I had gone to the gym in the morning and came to visit you.  But I was hot and sweaty and wanted to go home, shower and change and then come back.  You wanted me to come back much later then I wanted, right before you left.  That was the day everything changed.  I never knew why.”

“Things were getting difficult.  I couldn’t see you at work anymore and I was tired of going to Dunkin Donuts.  I just had so much going on.”

“I would have done anything for you.  You could have told me what was going on,”  I said.

“Would you have accepted it?”  he asked.

“I wouldn’t have liked it, but it would have been a hell of a lot better then what you did.  I just don’t understand how you could go from loving me and caring about me one day and the next, I was the ass hole that ruined your life and you didn’t give a shit about me.”  My voice broke and the tears started.

“Oh no.  Don’t cry.  And you don’t know how much I care.  I still do.  You’ll never know how much,”  he said.

“Well, you have a lousy way of showing it,” I said.  “I just want to get over thinking I need you to change your mind about me.  I don’t know why I think that.”

He was now doing his stretching exercises by the wall.  I thought about it.

“I think it’s because if you don’t change your mind, then I am just stupid.  Stupid for having given my heart to you, trusted you, and loved you.”

“Maybe I will change my mind one day.  When you are married to some rich guy and summering on Block Island.”

What, he’s going to just drop by, I thought.  I’d probably go off with him.  Stop it, that’s not helping…..I ignored his comment and continued………”But, you know what, I wasn’t stupid.  I don’t regret any of it.  It was the happiest time of my life.   And I wouldn’t change any of it.”

“Yes, it was great.  I guess I block it out because it would hurt to think about it.”

“Me too.  I pass by where we used to hang out and I just get sad.   You were my best friend.  I would have done anything for you.  And what hurt so much is that you did the one thing I asked you not to do……Stop talking to me.  You shut me out and it was horrible.  You would race away in your car and I would scream at you in the parking lot giving you the finger.  It was terrible.”

“Hmmmm,”  he said.  “Well, that’s what I do.  It’s my mojo.  When I’m upset I isolate.  It’s what I’ve always done.  It’s not personal.  I guess the two things were a bad combination.  You needing to talk and me going into my shell.”

“Yes.  The worst.”

“Well, I’m sorry.  I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for what I did.”

We talked for a while.  It felt really good to get it out.  And, it wasn’t me. That’s just what he does.

And, as much as I think I should be over him and not even working out with him, I know I need to get complete with him to move on.  And I love that we are still friends.  I just have to resist holding on to his comment about how he might change his mind.  I won’t even think about it.

Because I want a relationship with someone who shares my passion, and, can communicate instead of running away.  Who accepts me as I am and doesn’t want to change me to fit his small picture of life.  Someone committed to growth and development.  With manners.  Who’s up to something.  Who adores and cherishes me.  And wants to travel and have a great life.

And as much as I think my friends would say, “why are you even still talking about him, I know that this completion is my ticket to freedom.  Of being a clearing to have a great man in my life, for real.  And I’m getting closer every day. So I am proud of the work I did today.

And as the quote says, “why settle for less when it’s so easy to be remarkable?”

I am going for the life of my dreams.

 

 

 

 

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