Going for Freedom

20 Jun

OK – so I am stressed and frustrated and nothing is helping me to unwind.  So I am going to try to blog.

My goal is to accept my feelings and not think I shouldn’t have them so I am going to do a dump of everything that’s bothering me (even if it’s dumb and I don’t think I should be feeling bad because of it).

  • I go to weight watchers.  I had hit my maintenance range 5 years ago.  This year, I have continued to gain slowly and I am up 10 pounds from 5 years ago.  I am REALLY frustrated about it.  It seems like whatever I do, I keep steadily going up.  Each week when I see the gain, I freak out.   The ladies today were really nice and giving me suggestions instead of yelling at me and trying to make me happy, they were very sympathetic which was nice.
  • I moved back in with my mother.  My kids are there.  I’m trying to be positive about it, but it’s stressful.  She’s on my kids backs and I feel like I’m in the middle.  I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!
  • I have to hit my numbers for work by a week from Friday.  It’s stressful.  I WANT TO CRY!!!! And, I have to keep moving on.
  • My ex is always visiting us at my mom’s.  She kisses his ass and I get mad and then I LOOK LIKE THE BITCH!!!
  • I’m hot.
  • At my physical I was asking my physician about certain things and her answer was that’s what happens as we age.  NOT A GOOD ANSWER!!!!
  • I’m on these stupid dating sites and it’s a freaking waste.
  • I’m afraid to eat anything.  So, it makes me want an ice cream cone because it doesn’t f——g matter anyway, I’m gaining no matter what.  (And that’s going to help how?)
  • I’m tired.
  • It seems like alot of people are having strokes.  WTF?
  • Sometimes I get really sad when I think of my dad.  I can hear his voice saying, “get over it already” and I think I should.
  • I hate the fact that I have to tuck my stomach roll into my underwear.  I didn’t used to have one.

So, to add fuel to this I think it’s a stupid blog.  But, since I think it already published itself, I will update it.  If it makes no sense I am sorry.

Do I feel any relief?  I think there’s probably more. I don’t know why I’m so tired.  Maybe I’m just tired.  I’ve been working out harder then normal and it could be that i just need a rest.

Who knows?  One day at a time.  I have to get to a client.  i guess I could get off it.  Maybe I will.  But not right now.  I’ll give myself 15 minutes.  Ok?  Deal.





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