I Hate Him and I Give Up – Today’s Headline

21 May

5-21-12

Mad again.  When I try to express myself to Jack, it ends up getting worse.  He doesn’t listen and ends up arguing with me.  I guess I have to say, ” I am just venting” so he could possibly just listen.   Instead, he dismisses what I say like I am just some crazy bitch who is not worth listening to.  It really pisses me off and then I get madder and madder and either I just stop talking and hate him or I start yelling back.

When I yell I yell very loudly and angrily which he really doesn’t like and then he really acts like I have lost my mind.  The whole thing just makes me see red.  AND, the more he acts like I am to be dismissed and crazy, the more crazy I feel.  It is a vicious cycle. 

I was trying to text him to let him know that I feel dismissed and not listened to and he texted back “Just now in the same sentence, u said i did not listen this morning as I remained silent so u could say all.  At the same time, now u scream I am not listening when I respond to what you are saying.   I don’t see that it matters whether or not I say anything in the conversation, I don’t listen anyway, right?”

So I told him he was just an argument.  Then, when there was no response, I said to him, “Rather than picking apart my words, you might listen to them.  I listen to you.”

This is the part of the relationship that I should just shut up and ignore him, but it makes me so mad that I want to keep attacking.  I think I will just give up, but I hate to do that.  BUT, it is just going to get uglier.  Do you want to hear my original text?   I don’t think so.  You will probably gang up on me like the ass hole.

OK, here it is anyway:  “You don’t let me speak and you don’t listen and you don’t hear me and either argue or dismiss what I say and I hate it and it makes me not like you at all.  I don’t deserve to be treated this way.  Think about it.  Your listening of me is not supportive or empowering at all and I hate it.”

So, he responds by picking apart my words.  CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING IN FRUSTRATION?

I think I give up – truly.  Give me a drink.  Am I PMS or do I have a point?  Is the menopause back or is this guy an ass hole of extreme proportions? 

OK – thank you – I am trusting my instincts.  The way it started was that my lovely son stays up every Sunday night until 11 or 12 or 1 AM doing his homework.  Why, you ask?  Because he doesn’t start it until 9 or 10 PM on Sunday.  I ask him all weekend if he has homework and he says not much.  Then, when I get up at 12:30 AM not by choice, I notice that his light is still on.  It is very disturbing and I am frustrated that he then starts another week being tired and unprepared.

When I tried to discuss this with Jack, he said, well, he was having trouble writing his paper.  So, I said, have trouble earlier in the day when we can help him.  He basically ignored me and said he had to go. 

It digressed from there.  So, my attempt at communicating so I don’t just “make him wrong” and  hate him made things worse.  I feel like it is hopeless.  If I try to speak, we get into a fight.  If I keep quiet, I just hate him.  Either way it sucks. 

He is on the phone right now and I am just listening.  Nothing to say.  He doesn’t even know.  He can talk forever, but if I try to talk, he interrupts.  I am not really paying attention because it doesn’t matter.

He was apologizing that he isn’t home and I said I am not home either.  It just seems like we are on different wave lengths.  I will just give it up for today.  I am tired and don’t give a crap right now.  I think Patty is all over me telling me it is my fault and I don’t have the energy to argue.

Tomorrow is another day.  I am busy tomorrow and will go to the gym and exercise my frustrations out.  Not to mention have a drink tonight.  I don’t want to argue so I will just stay suppressed and not say anything.

Jack thinks he is so nice and good and that I am just difficult.  It is really annoying.  REALLY ANNOYING!!!! 

If I can’t find someone who thinks I am nice, then I am better off alone.  (If I’m having a tantrum, that’s ok – I should really edit this post, but I am too tired.  Oh well.  Sorry about that.

Thanks for bearing with me.

 

 

 

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