Stupid things, live and learn I HOPE!!!!!

23 May


I have to go get Sybil, but something is really bothering me.  I did a dumb thing and it is kicking me in the ass.  Pathetic Patty is all over me and so I have to get this out.

I was in the area where my old friend works.  We used to have a little thing going on.  I had a new recruit and I said let’s go see him where he works.  So we went in and he ended up going prospecting with us.  Well, he starts in on why am I wearing open toed shoes, why is my car a mess, basically ignored me and talked to my recruit, AND, was on the phone texting and saying to someone, “Can I call you back a little later? in a very tender tone.

Now, the guy is obviously an ass hole.  I was making comments about how I had a doctors appointment and I was nervous and had to drink a lot of water, and no, “gee I hope you’re ok.”  No, nothing about me.  All him and he acted all fucking haughty and arrogant. 

My recruit was also picking on my driving.  I said, “what did I do to deserve these insults?”  Well, she said it’s because she likes us.  Actually, she said she was disappointed that we had him along because she was excited to just go with me so that could explain her.

As far as the guy goes, he just went away with his wife, so if he is talking to the “lovely lady” from the gym.  She deserves him.  He just went away.  AND, he could have been talking to his daughter.

I don’t know why any of this makes me feel bad about myself, but it does.  I am beating myself up with – why did you go there?  why doesn’t he like you?( and I really don’t think I care – I have a new crush), but that goes into new boy doesn’t like you either.  You are an old, ugly and fat loser.  You will be alone because you are a slob and messy and bitchy, etc.

SO, I will tell Patty to shut the hell up.  I can be sad if I want.  I did enjoy being the one that got talked to tenderly and I did like the exciting texts as well, BUT, I didn’t like the anxiety that went with it. 

One sided crushes are easier because you aren’t waiting for them. 

Then Jack said he couldn’t help me because he had to help someone with businsess, and so now I think he is fooling around and want to check up on him.  I doubt it, but it would add to my sob story – actually, it would be a relief.  I could get rid of him on some level.

I just read a book called The Song Remains the Same where the girl had to find herself after a plane crash and she loses her memory.  Kind of interesting, but melancholy.  I am glad I finished.

Well, I really have to go.  Thanks for listening.  I needed to get this out.  Who can I tell that I actually went to his business?  I feel like such a dumb ass, but at first it was cool and exciting, and then as he stayed on the phone acted so fucking superior, it made me not like him and think I made a dumb ass move.

Oh well, as I told the recruit, that was weird but we learned from it.

Gotta still go and now I will be late.




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