Memorial Day – Thank You Veterans and Hilarious Helena

5-28-12

Havimg people over today;  It’s Memorial Day.  It’s a good thing because we have to clean up the house if we have people over.  That’s a good thing.  We get rid of a lot of clutter. 

 I am REALLY tired.  Went to the gym this morning a little later today.  My body really hurts, but I have until Friday and then I WILL HAVE EXERCISED EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR.  I can’t remember a day that I missed and I only realized that last week.  Since our trip to Mexico last year,  which was a week from Thursday, I think I’ve done something every day.  

Last year I went with Sybil to Mexico because I won the trip and Jack didn’t want to go.  It was her 13th birthday on the day we left last year.  We had a good time.  I was in the throes of my fantasy with DH, and happy to not be with Jack.

It was really enjoyable  to NOT be with Jack.  On the way home, we were in the airport on a layover, and one of the guys was sitting next to me and leaning into me.  I was revelling in the physical touch, realizing that Jack and I, at that time, had NONE.  Not even a touch on the shoulder.  At that moment I realized how much I missed it.  I love to be touched or to hug people.  It was a big missing for me and I decided I WOULD NOT live without it for the rest of my life.

Weird how things come to your mind, right?  DH was a little friendly today.  Since he told me he cheated on his wife a few years ago, I think he is having ideas.  Well, screw him.  He could have had me a year ago.  I would have left my family and lived in his woods at that time.  Whatever.  Maybe I am imagining it. 

I am really not interested in him anymore which is a miracle if you knew how obsessed I was last year.  I am not into sex for sex’s sake.  Not my style.  I want the emotional connection.  I want to be able to talk to the person.  I don’t want a quickie and wham bam thank you ma’am.  Just not worth it.  That’s what vibrators are for.  No strings and no emotional attachment involved.  I figure if I like it with the guy and want to see him again, I just have to sit there waiting for them to call because they are married or have “gotten their rocks off” and don’t need to see me again.  FORGET IT!!!!  Been there, done that.  Very disturbing.

I did get the book 50 or 80 shades of Grey, whichever it is, but I stopped reading it.  I just didn’t want to get all horny again like I was with SM.  I was a maniac.  I did buy new batteries for Purple Bob (Battery Operated Boyfriend), but I just wasn’t in the mood to get all hot and bothered again.  Crazy, but true.  Just don’t want to go there without a real man outlet.  Not into Jack in that way I am very sorry to say.  Jamaica should be interested.  I will have to have some alcoholic stimulation or something.

People are coming over in an hour and a half.  I am on the deck again, sweating in the beautiful heat and humidity.  We are pretty much ready. 

Didn’t see FB today or yesterday.  I am wondering how he is doing.  He said Saturday was his only day off, so he might be working. 

I wonder what he does and if he even thinks about me.  Probably not.  He said that he didn’t go after people’s kids, families, money or food.  That probably means I am off limits.  OR, maybe he has no interest at all.  Well, I don’t need to know that until I find my next crush.   I will live in my mind, not in reality.   Obviously, I have a need to fantasize about more fun, passion, love and sex so that I can maintain a sense of balance at home.  If I think this is all there is, I get upset.  If I think about how we can’t pay the bills, I get upset.    There are alot of things that I COULD think about and get upset. 

So, better to stay happy and enjoy the day, right?    Don’t answer that.

I have Patty to always point out the negative of a situation.  She can turn anything good into a negative:

– I look good – you’re old and fat

– I’m working out – you should take a day off.  You are obsessed.  You are crazy.

– I have great kids – you are a terrible mother.  You are not like your mother.  You are selfish and absentee.

– I’m doing ok at work – you suck – you are a loser

– I’m in good shape – look at the stomach flab – your arm flab still shakes

So, you see, I already have a built in critic.  She can bring me down.  Forget looking in the mirror.  That is a quick downer.  Or a photograph, like I said before.  UGLY.  But that is true.  Those pictures are heinous.  My hair looks dark and ugly and it doesn’t look like me.  Sometimes I don’t think I look that bad until I see a picture.  WHOA NELLY I say, when that horrible Voice Control goes on my phone.  Who is that ugly girl?  Oh my God, it’s me!!!

Now, how  did I get to that?  Oh, Patty.  Yes, that is why I don’t like to be judged.  Because I have Patty built in.  She doesn’t need any help.

I just realized I didn’t take a shower yet and so didn’t apply sunscream to face in my moisturizer.  Well, Patty can have a field day with that one.  Yeah, she’ll say, you will get tan, but so what?  You are so ugly you need foundation so being tan is a waste. PLUS, you don’t need more wrinkles, do you?

See, she can always come in and make me feel bad.  IF I LET HER.  Well, Patty, Hilarious Helena is not going to let you ruin by day.  So, butt out.  Money, wrinkles, fat,……not gonna do it to quote George Bush.  Not going there.

OK, enough of this, I don’t even know what I am talking about.  One more thing – Wednesday I am spending the day with my state coordinator and I have NO appointments for him.  Nothing has been booked and I am a little freaked out.  BUT, Hilarious Helena is not going down today.  I will have a good time and deal with all the shit tomorrow. 

Thanks for listening.  I need a name.   OK, got it.  Have a good Memorial Day!!!!!