It’s Nice to Have Friends – Bummer

6-1-12

Leaving for Jamaica tomorrow.  Getting nervous and excited. 

Jack woke me up in the middle of the night because he read an email I wrote to my friend saying how nice FB’s comments were.  That Jack was so negative that it was a refreshing change.  I don’t know why he was in my email, I guess I left it up.  He is nosy.

I defended myself saying that he is a friend and I like that he listens to me and thinks I’m a good listener.  It was a very difficult conversation.  Jack has a side where he is trying for me to like him, and another side that is a complete ass hole.  I reminded him of when he took me into a store and said, “please help her.  She doesn’t know how to dress.”  He talks down to me just like the therapist, OR, he is ripping me a new ass hole.  That is mixed with gee, why don’t you like me anymore?  It’s a bad combo for me right now so I am dreading being away with him for four days.

Meanwhile, back at the gym, I went early and had a good workout.  I left and took Sybil to her field trip bus.  I came back.  No FB.  All of a sudden he appears.  I told him I had a good story, so as he worked out, I followed him around telling him what happened.  He listened and said, “isn’t it because you have been married for so long that he can’t say anything nice?”  I said, no.  It’s because half the time he is mean as shit. 

He said, after the whole long saga, “well, we have to get you away from that.”  I said, my first step is to become financially independent from him.  Then I will have choices. 

I left and then went back.  I said, “remember when you asked how Jack could have forgiven me for what I did?”  He barely remembered, but I said, it’s because he ignored me for 16 years.  I thought I would never have sex again and this was my only chance.  He likes to ask if I see the guy and do we say hi.  Who knows why?  I couldn’t even begin to guess.

So, I left there thinking, I better find a new crush.  I spilled too much.  He still thinks I am “good people,” and it’s nice to have another guy friend, BUT, I need a romantic fantasy, not a platonic one.  I will see what I can do.  There is another guy who goes later that watches me.  I forget his name.  Maybe he is better.  I would like someone that I could have a glass of wine with and bring to a party (if I were single).  I mean, I still love FB’s ass, but if he is only interested in one thing, I am not into that.

I said, I am not going to just have sex with someone.  What if I like it and want to do it again?  That’s when the guy turns into an ass hole.  It isn’t worth it.  If he is going to be that way, I would rather keep him as a friend that I can talk to.  I don’t want him ignoring me.

Plus, SM walked out with LL.  Pisses me off a little, but I just ignore him.

Then, I told FB that DH was my first.  He said he didn’t even want to know.  I told DH he was first on my GBilf list.  “Gym boys……..”  Then he couldn’t even look at me.  Next week I’ll say, don’t worry, you were the first, but you are off now.  I said how many were on his “Gym Girls” and he first said, how many girls in the gym, but then he narrowed it down to 3.  I didn’t ask him who.

So, I will move on from FB (probably not really), and try to have a good time in Jamaica, mon.  Jack wants me to buy something at Victoria Secrets tonight and I am SO not in the mood.  I will have to pretend.  I just want to have a drink with my friend Missy and relax.  Then I have to pack.  I have packers disease which means I will always overpack no matter how hard I try not to.  I can’t even pretend not to anymore.  It’s too much wasted energy.

Well, I still like FB.  I’m sorry, I just do.  He is fun.  Steve says he will miss you and that is so cute.  He is a REALLY GOOD FRIEND.  I could call him if I needed him and that is nice. 

So, it’s good to have friends, I guess.  Wish me luck if I can’t add another post.  Thanks for being there.  Can’t edit this one – no time.  Sorry