6-12-12
Had my birthday yesterday. 53 years old. My claim to fame is that the guys from work were enjoying my butt move in Jamaica. I’ll take it. For 53, that’s pretty damn good.
I was moving and grooving and feeling good until about 2 hours ago. I went to weight watchers and, of course, I was up .4 pounds, but, there’s been a tragic error in my point counting. I am actually really sad over this. When I put my corona lights into the calculator, it came up with 1 point for every two beers, believe it or not. No one said it wasn’t true and I have been drinking them like water. I would drink them instead of food since they were lower in points.
Well, I haven’t lost weight since August which is about ten months. Do you think this could be why? I am heartbroken on many levels, not all relating to the beer. I am just “feeling bad” so I am writing to try to get un-fucked up. Here goes:
– I could have been losing weight instead of torturing myself for all this time
– I am sad that my illusion is gone and I can’t drink unlimited quantities of alcohol without the illusion of thinking it won’t affect my weight
– they were going over the points in eating out – they were so high – I don’t have the money to go out anyway, so I guess I am safe, but …… will I ever be able to enjoy a dinner out? It doesn’t seem like it. I want someone to save me and take me away from this mess.
– I should have been smarter and figured that out – well, maybe not, but Patty is going crazy beating me up so let’s just join the bandwagon.
– I went to Chico’s and the sale was over from the weekend from when I put the stuff on hold and the woman was very bitchy about it. Pissed me off after the beer disappointment
– Chad has mono. It sucks. We are waiting for the report on his liver to see how bad it is. Right for summer. I just feel bad for him. No sports.
– I think that’s it. Let’s add in that we have no money. Also, that my hamsprings and quads are REALLY Sore and I hate everything and everybody.
– The only one I like is FB and what is the point of that. I hate to say that he came out of the locker room with his hair done and it was SO different from when he has on his baseball hat that I almost felt shy. BUT, he is still my crush. I have been talking to SM and DH and they are just friends which is a true miracle. If I can move on from them, then Missy can move on from the guy that she is “fetal” about. I finally had to scream at her to move on because he is not worth it.
– OK, this hasn’t helped yet. Sorry I didn’t write when I was happy, but we were busy shopping and having a party for me. Jack “found” the money for the party out of his hockey money so I felt like at least I was worth it for a day.
Well, I will just feel like shit for a while I guess. I am tired, achey, and probably need calcium. I have to do an interview and I am dressed in shit clothes. I don’t care right now. I can take calcium and natural B. Right now I could just get lost making out with FB and live in a fantasy. Reality is: dog, not interested, weird hair, doesn’t drink, not interested, BUT I love his ass and I really like him so which matters more, I ask?
Does it affect how I feel about Jack? Absolutely, but right now I don’t care. Jack’s low testerone for all those years damaged my feelings. What can I say? All I wanted was for him to treat me nicely. He is being very good now, but I am safer being withdrawn, I think. We’ll see. If I was nice, who knows what would happen.
I just want to go to sleep and escape, but I have to go. I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but I don’t care. I wish I could talk to and do FB just to pretend I have a real life. Oh well, he doesn’t want attachments from what I can tell, and I would definatelly be attached, so better not to start.
Thanks for listening.
Me.
tiredoffeelingbad 
Leave a comment