Feeling FAT and LETHARGIC – Makes Me Want to EAT – HELP!!!!

7-27-12

At an enrollment – finally figured out how to get on-line.  I am in between people so I may have to stop suddenly. 

I have been completely exhausted since the weekend.  I went to the chiropractor today – we have been reduced to twice a month since we don’t have enough money to pay the unlimited fee – and he told me that my adrenals were depleted.  I bought this Adrenal support complex and I have been sucking down these pills as well as drinking water. 
I have still gone to the gym, but I have not had alot of energy.  I just feel sluggish.  This in turn makes me feel REALLY fat and want to eat to ease my discomfort.  I am trying to not let myself eat in order to feel better.  BUT, I feel like I have damaged my progress since last weekend mostly because the fucking scale is even higher than it was.  I am gaining back some of my 25 pound loss and, while it disturbs, it makes me want to just say “fuck it” and eat to make myself feel better.

What I have to realize is that this is how I gained the weight in the first place and I would rather go down than up.   If I let my lethargy cause me to gain weight, I will be very disturbed later.  The problem is that I think I am following the program and I am not losing weight.  I got the highest score on the active link and I don’t really want to incresase my exercise.  I want to be more active, but I don’t necessarily want to increase it.  It is a pain in the ass to remember to wear it all the time.  I may stop after the first month. 

Regarding the triathlon, this lethargy makes me not want to do it.  It makes me not want to do anything, quite frankly.  The last couple of nights I have gotten rained out of swimming so I haven’t done it since a week ago before I had my hair done.  I have run twice this week and it really sucks.  Every freaking step hurts.  I am surprised I didn’t stop today.  I really wanted to.  I thought that training for the triathlon would have me lose weight, but instead I am up!!!  Go figure.

AND, I am just more tired.  I have not signed up so I can still get out of it.  I have done two spinning classes this week so I am only behind on the swimming.   I am not going to sign up unless I get my energy back.  I am even thinking of skipping the gym tomorrow since Chad is getting his drivers license AND my step teacher is away for the week.  We can go out to breakfast to celebrate – TWO problems with that – 1.  I am a fat load.   2.  We have no fucking money.

So, maybe I won’t tell them that I am skipping the gym.  Just in case I get some energy.  I was told by the chiropractor that I need some electrolights.  I can drink an energy drink.  I am really dragging.  I am too lazy to even get to the bathroom which I really need.  I will have to save this and shut down the computer.  We will see.

I am waiting for more people.  Maybe we are wrapping this up.  Before the last guy I had my head on the table and was trying to sleep. 

Jack and I have been having ups and downs.  We are either fine or fighting.  I have been listening to the marriage fitness tapes.  They are very good.  I can see why Jack has been doing what he has been doing.  I can see why it would work, but right now I am too tired to deal.  My whole body just feels heavy like I want to go lie down.

I see FB and yesterday I high fived his arm in passing.  That loaded me up with good feeling.  Somehow it was all I needed.  Today I didn’t pass him and just saw him walk by and then leave.  His little “in love” girl was behind me so that was sobering.   I am ok with him.  A little less obsessed.  I don’t know why.  I guess I have my own schedule to keep to and that is a priority.

I know what the marriage fitness cd said – make your spouse and love a priority.  They are first.  Well, I know that I put exercise first and then I am too tired and don’t have anything left.  I go to sleep early and my first priority is to get to sleep so I can get up.

Jack is talking to this guy a while.  I think I will go pee.  I will be right back.

OK – I’m back.  I went to talk to some people.  I think I am still feeling like I need to go to sleep.  We wrote some business here, but we can’t put it in until we get the papers signed and the guy is out today.  So, no money through the weekend.  Sucks the big one to be racking up the credit line.  Oh well.  Add it to the shit pile of things that are making me feel heavy.  I ran today and did the elliptical and the stupid active link is showing no activity points because I forgot to wear it to the gym.  I think I am going to kill it.

Not seeing those points makes me feel like I am not doing anything and I am fucking exercising for at least two hours per day.  That really sucks the big one.  I am going to put my head down again.  Jack doesn’t seem in any hurry to leave and I have Sybil home doing nothing during the days.   I feel bad, but don’t have the energy to do anything about it.

Going to put my head down………………Adios……………..Thanks for listening.