Heart problems? Oh no.

Last night I could not sleep.  My heart rate was not fast, but it was loud.  No matter what part of my body I touched, I could practically hear my heart beating.  I  My chest was tight and I felt afraid.  I wasn’t afraid, I just felt afraid.

The longer I lay there not sleeping, the more and more uncomfortable I became.  I started imagining things.

• I was being poisoned by the gas heater.  One of my favorites since I moved into this rental cottage.  It has a certain smell that I don’t like.  After a couple of hours of being “poisoned” I decided to open up all the windows around me.  Since it was in the 30’s outside it started getting cold.  I finally got up and put on my winter leopard fleece pajamas over my other night shirt.  Then I got up and piled on the blankets.  I still couldn’t sleep but at least the fresh air would save me from the poison.
• Then I got afraid that something was wrong with my heart.  Why would it be so loud?  I could call 911.  I could drive to my mother’s.  I could just die in my bed.  Oh well.  So be it.  I had a good life.
• I still couldn’t sleep.  I started worrying about this blog.  I had given out my blog name to Michael from my seminar.   What if he read it?  What if other people read it?  I got up and wrote a blog about it called Freedom.  It didn’t help me feel free, but at least I was distracted for a few minutes.
• I still couldn’t sleep.  I tried taking B vitamins, then valerian and hops, and later, after I had been trying to sleep for four hours, at 1:00 AM, I took my mother’s remedy, a little bit of sherry.
• The next thing I knew it was morning.

I happened to drive past my mother’s house on the way to my office.  I was redirected that way because there was traffic on the Merritt Parkway.  I stopped in and told her about my evening.

“Call the doctor,” she said handing me the phone.  “Uncle Dick had heart problems.  They run in our family.”

“I’m going to wait until my insurance starts in 4 days,” I said.

“I’ll pay.  Just go,” she begged.

I decided to go to the chiropractor instead since I pay him every month anyway.   I explained what was going on.

“Do you have arm pain?  Back pain?  Shortness of breath? Chest pain?  Sweating?”

“No. No. No. And for once I’m not sweating.”

She looked at me.  “No worries.  Your heart is fine. It’s anxiety,” she said.

“But I was calm.  I wasn’t worried this weekend,” I said, confused.

“Did your father just die?”

I nodded.

“Well that could have something to do with this, right?

“I guess.  And I’m probably still stressed about work even though I thought I was fine.

“Exactly,”  she said.

So I left feeling a little calmer.  It’s explainable.  Just a little bit of anxiety.  I’m feeling so much calmer about it.

Until I think about tonight.  What if I can’t sleep tonight?  Uh-oh.  I feel the anxiety coming back.  This is not good.

Hmmm………….Maybe I could just nip it in the bud and drink the sherry earlier if I need to.  Ok I have a plan.  Let’s see if it works.  Good night.