All weekend we learned about fully functioning adults. Well, as soon as my sister texted me today, down I went, back to two years old. And the fight began.
I’ll be juvenile and say she started it by accusing me of taking advantage of our mother in a nasty tone (via text of course). I then defended myself. I found out later she got insulted and then furious when I told her she treated my mother like an invalid. Then she told me horrible things she thought about my life.
I was stunned by the venom. Calmly I told her she was entitled to her opinion but she was wrong. And I blocked her.
I “called a friend” (or whatever they say on those tv shows), who told me (basically to be nice and compassionate), unblock her, answer her questions and only say thank you to statements.
Well, I failed that one, I thought, thinking of my nasty retorts.
Later, my sister actually apologized. First I just said “Thank you.” But I couldn’t resist adding just a little more. I explained my comment and through in an apology as well.
We don’t usually fight like this so it really got to me today. My family has gotten along so well since my Dad passed away, but I guess we are all adjusting to the different energies and roles. My Dad isn’t there to referee or stop the nonsense. We are all concerned about Mom and making sure she’s ok. We didn’t have to do that before because Dad was always there. For 61 years.
So I guess it’s the new normal and we are all trying to handle it the best we can. I should have more space and humanity for my sister. I should get over her harsh words and be the grown up. But I don’t want to.
I think I feel more like junior high. Having cliques, ignoring people and just being nasty. So, today that’s me. And I think it’s because she really hurt my feelings with what she said. I guess that’s how wars start. And families stop speaking to each other. Because when they are mad, they say things they shouldn’t, just like when the girls in my family have PMS. Everything you thought all month and held back just comes rushing out. And the really bad part is, when your hormones are raging, you really don’t care who you hurt. You feel that nasty.
But there was something positive today that I can see. I saw myself becoming a victim and I fought going all the way down the tubes. I guess you could call it a partial victimization. I felt a little sorry for myself. I thought about calling people to say how bad SHE was and how innocent I was. But I didn’t. And I didn’t drink. (Really because I’m on antibiotics but still……….) And, I didn’t eat THAT much. I tried to just feel insulted and disappointed in how it seemed my sister felt about me. And just leave it at the emotions. I’d give myself a C+. Not great, but not an F.
tiredoffeelingbad 
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