In a Funk – I Don’t Know What to Do!!

I am in a funk.  So let’s see if writing helps.

I ave been in and out of one since Monday.  And today is Wednesday.

I’m trying to remember when the funk started.  AHA!!!!!

• When the linked in lady told me I shouldn’t link my blog to my linked in page.  I have been upset since then. She said that because it is personal and about my feelings, it  should not be mentioned.  Well, in my mind it’s obvious that they think I shouldn’t be writing about how I feel.   And they ust think the whole blog is stupid.  I don’t know why I ever thought it was a good idea.  I must look like a complaining, negative, babbling idiot.  I’ll just stop writing and avoid the embarassment and humiliation.  I am done.
  • Action step instead of quitting – call the lady and ask her why she said what she said.
• Weight – I didn’t like my weigh in.
  • Action step instead of eating to make myself feel better – accept what is.  Focus on what I am eating and drinking each day.  That is all I can do.  I know that when I get anxious and all I want to do is “LOSE WEIGHT,” I end up gaining.  Instead, I need to focus on “hitting the ball”, not on the score.
• Living situation – I don’t know if I am staying or going in less then a month.
  • Action step instead of being in denial – Call my landlord about whether he is extending my lease for the summer or not.  I am avoiding making the call but I will do it today
• Party Friday – I have been thinking about cancelling it because no one can stay late and most aren’t even coming.
  • Action step instead of being an idiot  – Relax and let it be fun.  Remove the pressure.  It will be however it is supposed to be.

END OF DAY REPORT – I am feeling much better.

1. I called the linked in lady and she told me the reason why she told me not to link the page to my blog is because of what I told her when we met.  I had told her I would feel uncomfortable if work people read about my real feelings and thoughts.  She had no opinion about it.  She was merely repeating what I had said.
   1. Lesson learned:  I just spent 5 days thinking being negative and thinking they thought the whole blog is stupid.  I thought they thought I shouldn’t be writing about my feelings, ……….. I WASTED all this time  thinking that what I made up was true.  Next time I will “check it out” quicker so I don’t waste so much time.

2. I called another person I had had an interaction with that didn’t work.  I had emailed her and she didn’t respond.  So I decided I was going to quit working with her on our joint project.  B-Bye, I thought.

But then I realized I was just being right about what she did.  I wanted to punish her by quitting.  And it was familiar.  I’ve done it before and I no longer want to be that kind of person anymore.

So I got over myself and emailed her again.  She responded quickly and asked me to call her.  And I did.  And it was great.  And we are back in affinity.

Lesson learned:  Get into communication quicker and don’t waste so much time thinking negative thoughts.

3. I called my landlord.  He is still trying to figure it out and will get back to me tomorrow.  We strategized about a good alternative.

4. I talked to my coach.  I identified where I get stuck, lose my power, stop working, and just want to “go home.”  So I have more triggers to look for and recognize and hopefully will spend less time on the left side of life.

I also figured out that I am not in action because I can’t find the book that I have all my to do’s in.  And I don’t know where it is so I need to find it.  And I will.  Tomorrow.  Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I’ll find it Tomorrow.  (It’s supposed to be sung to the Annie tune.)

I also decided (again) that one of my goals is to accept myself however I am.  And to get that everything is really ok.  So when I wake up in a panic in the middle of the night thinking, “I don’t know what to do,” I can remember this.  I can just breathe and realize that everything is ok.  It’s all working out just fine.

I can then peacefully go back to sleep and dream happy thoughts instead of spending hours worrying and feeling anxious.  Sounds like a great plan to me.  Wish me luck remembering all this!!!!!  Good night.