I am in a funk. So let’s see if writing helps.
I ave been in and out of one since Monday. And today is Wednesday.
I’m trying to remember when the funk started. AHA!!!!!
- When the linked in lady told me I shouldn’t link my blog to my linked in page. I have been upset since then. She said that because it is personal and about my feelings, it should not be mentioned. Well, in my mind it’s obvious that they think I shouldn’t be writing about how I feel. And they ust think the whole blog is stupid. I don’t know why I ever thought it was a good idea. I must look like a complaining, negative, babbling idiot. I’ll just stop writing and avoid the embarassment and humiliation. I am done.
- Action step instead of quitting – call the lady and ask her why she said what she said.
- Weight – I didn’t like my weigh in.
- Action step instead of eating to make myself feel better – accept what is. Focus on what I am eating and drinking each day. That is all I can do. I know that when I get anxious and all I want to do is “LOSE WEIGHT,” I end up gaining. Instead, I need to focus on “hitting the ball”, not on the score.
- Living situation – I don’t know if I am staying or going in less then a month.
- Action step instead of being in denial – Call my landlord about whether he is extending my lease for the summer or not. I am avoiding making the call but I will do it today
- Party Friday – I have been thinking about cancelling it because no one can stay late and most aren’t even coming.
- Action step instead of being an idiot – Relax and let it be fun. Remove the pressure. It will be however it is supposed to be.
END OF DAY REPORT – I am feeling much better.
- I called the linked in lady and she told me the reason why she told me not to link the page to my blog is because of what I told her when we met. I had told her I would feel uncomfortable if work people read about my real feelings and thoughts. She had no opinion about it. She was merely repeating what I had said.
- Lesson learned: I just spent 5 days thinking being negative and thinking they thought the whole blog is stupid. I thought they thought I shouldn’t be writing about my feelings, ……….. I WASTED all this time thinking that what I made up was true. Next time I will “check it out” quicker so I don’t waste so much time.
2. I called another person I had had an interaction with that didn’t work. I had emailed her and she didn’t respond. So I decided I was going to quit working with her on our joint project. B-Bye, I thought.
But then I realized I was just being right about what she did. I wanted to punish her by quitting. And it was familiar. I’ve done it before and I no longer want to be that kind of person anymore.
So I got over myself and emailed her again. She responded quickly and asked me to call her. And I did. And it was great. And we are back in affinity.
Lesson learned: Get into communication quicker and don’t waste so much time thinking negative thoughts.
3. I called my landlord. He is still trying to figure it out and will get back to me tomorrow. We strategized about a good alternative.
4. I talked to my coach. I identified where I get stuck, lose my power, stop working, and just want to “go home.” So I have more triggers to look for and recognize and hopefully will spend less time on the left side of life.
I also figured out that I am not in action because I can’t find the book that I have all my to do’s in. And I don’t know where it is so I need to find it. And I will. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I’ll find it Tomorrow. (It’s supposed to be sung to the Annie tune.)
I also decided (again) that one of my goals is to accept myself however I am. And to get that everything is really ok. So when I wake up in a panic in the middle of the night thinking, “I don’t know what to do,” I can remember this. I can just breathe and realize that everything is ok. It’s all working out just fine.
I can then peacefully go back to sleep and dream happy thoughts instead of spending hours worrying and feeling anxious. Sounds like a great plan to me. Wish me luck remembering all this!!!!! Good night.
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