I love the fact that someone on a dating web site can decide I am nice, voluptuous, sexy, wonderful and already be telling me what we are going to do together.
But, I haven’t met the guy yet. So WTF?
Why would he get so attached before we have met? He doesn’t even know me.
I mean, we all want to find “the one,” but how can you know that if you don’t even know the person? Is it the fantasy you are thinking about or the actual person? Are you willing to get to know them and put the work in or just glom on to an idea and suffocate them, driving them away in the process?
OK, I need to slow down, relax, and breathe. I’ve talked to this guy a few times, but never met him. He doesn’t sound too bad, but there’s some kind of suffering I can hear in his voice. Since I have that too, I’m afraid it could be a problem. I need someone uplifting. Plus, when I looked at his picture, I was not so attracted.
Mean, but what can I say? He had this big walrus mustache that made me want to gag. I know, what a bitch. But, I’ve decided to be honest. He somehow mentioned that he got rid of it, though.
Now here’s another thing. He grew up rich, lost it all, and is now struggling to make ends meet and needing to take care of some family members. But it’s the self pity that worries me.
Why am I telling you all this? I don’t know.
But here’s my breakthrough for the day. I was sharing with him about the courses and seminars I do. He was being negative. “I already know my problems,” he said. “I already know what I need to do.”
“What if there’s something you don’t know?” I asked.
He started arguing with me. Finallly I lost it.
“These courses and programs have given me the tools to have more freedom and power in my life. I am looking for someone who is also looking to grow and development. If you are not interested in that, that is great. I’m not looking to change anyone. BUT, I am not interested in someone who is not open to that. I want someone who does not want to stay stuck and trusts me when I say I am offering them gold. I want someone who’s willing to take the gold and explore having a great life together.”
He didn’t say anything. I was on a roll, but it felt great to unleash myself natural passion for the first time in my life.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “But I think I just let loose 24 years of frustration. And, it’s true. I will no longer tolerate being with someone who thinks they know everything and isn’t open..”
“Well,……..I guess I’d be willing to find out about it,” he said.
“Good.”
I may or may not meet him later. Either way is fine.
But, the great thing is that I expressed myself. That is new for me. I am tired of putting up with what I don’t want because I am afraid to say it. Afraid they will “leave me in the driveway” or something like that.
So, let’s put a check in the FREEDOM column for today. It feels great.
Plus, I have shared the blog with 3 people so far today and it’s only 12:41 PM.
Just getting into action has made me feel WAY more alive. I guess I got “off it.”
Are you “on it?”
tiredoffeelingbad 
Love this. So helpful and relatable.