Trusting ourselves

16 Jun

Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.

Benjamin Spock – 1903-1998, Pediatrician and Author

It’s the shoulds of the world that get me and most of the people I know.

“I’m upset, but I’m trying to get off it,”  one friend said.

My pet peeve was activated.  “Why?”  I asked her.  “Why not just let yourself be upset?”

“Because I want to be my wonderful, caring self..”

“You can still be wonderful and caring and be upset.  Why do you think you can’t?”

And she didn’t know.  And I let her vent about how upset she was about not knowing enough about her air conditioner to know whether she needs to put in a new one or repair the old.  That day she had spent hours driving and meeting with someone who did not have the information she needed.  She was trying not to be annoyed.

“BE MAD,”  I said.  “Why not?”

Another friend told me her husband told her to “get over” stuff when she was upset.  “Why let it eat at you?” he says.

And then there’s my daughter.  She’s frought with self-torture about what she should be doing or not doing.  And why go to college when it all seems like a waste anyway.

What’s the commonality you ask?  Well, I think it’s about trusting yourself.  I have been trying to just be how I’m at.  Especially with being upset.  To learn to trust my own emotions and instincts.   I think I decided at a young age that couldn’t trust myself.  I made up that I did stupid things.  So if someone told me something different then I thought, I figured they knew better then I did.

So if someone told me that what I was wearing wasn’t a good idea, I believed them.

If someone said I shouldn’t eat something, i listened to them.

If someone told me how to act on a date, I thought they were right.

And, if you add in trying to please everyone and keep them happy, it was a very difficult life i was leading.

For example, the other night, on my birthday, I couldn’t tell my friends what our dinner plans were but I didn’t know them since my daughter hadn’t told me what they were.  She was MIA from 5 to 6 PM.   So for an hour, I got more and more frustrated and unhappy.  By the time she got there, I was in a really bad mood instead of enjoying my birthday.

When I looked at it later in a calmer frame of mind, I was upset because I couldn’t  keep everyone happy.  I was telling a friend how stupid I was for doing this.

He said, “don’t call yourself stupid.  We are all learning every day.”

“Wow, thanks.  That’s a new way of looking at it.  Let’s give up that I do stupid things, for starters.”

So I am trying to trust myself and take care of me.  Other people can take care of their own selves.  Their happiness is not my responsibility.  And if I’m upset, I don’t need to get over it.  I can look and see why.  And see what’s not working.

A wise friend of mine told me that feelings were a good indicator for life.  They were pointing out something that needed attention.  They are a good thing.

So, my lesson for today is Trust Yourself.  I will try to heed my own advice.  When my ex comes around and I get annoyed, instead of just keeping my mouth shut and getting madder and madder, I will say something.  I don’t know what yet because right now it would come out as a mad woman’s crazy tirade, but there has to be something that is more gentle and gets my feelings across without leaving scars.

I will ponder on it.  And, hope that you too will trust yourself.  Learn from your mistakes, but know that you did what was right for you in that moment.  Whatever it was.

Happy Friday!!!!!

 

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