Freedom. That’s what I’m looking for.
Freedom to communicate without worrying about people getting upset or mad. Not that I want them to, but to not be constrained by the fear of it.
And, to learn to communicate in such a way that I don’t get people upset.
This week I attempted to communicate with my coworker and it did not work too well. She got upset and then I was upset that she was upset and we were both upset for over 24 hours. We finally talked and it seems to be behind us, but……..it wasn’t fun.
So, even though I was proud that I opened my mouth, I learned a lesson. Not all communication is effective. And, I have a lot to learn.
And, sometimes it seems my only choices are to shut up or sound like a raving bitch. So I am looking for another option where I can speak without it sounding nasty. Haven’t found it yet.
Also, some people will turn on me if they don’t give them their way and so that has kept me from speaking many times. I have let their domination shut me down. Some use guilt, insults, taking themselves away, or getting mad at me. And, I have allowed it. So I’m looking at that one too.
All in the name of freedom for me to be myself. I have been a people pleasing, avoider of unpleasantness and I am done with that. I am taking on being fully self-expressed no matter what.
Wish me luck. I am a little “fwightened.” (If I knew how to put an emoji here, I would.)
tiredoffeelingbad 
Keep going……there is always more West to go in communication. I try to own it all. I notice, I get upset when you…….must be something from my childhood. I’m working on it. Does anything like that happen to you. We all have STUFF !!!!
Luv ya,
GT
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Upset when you what? Yes it happens to me. Didn’t want to get my dad mad so I learned to be “good.” If someone gets upset around me, I am terrified. Distinguished that last night with my coach. So, I am going to bring play to being bad and see if I can upgrade it. What can you bring play to?
Thanks for playing with me and my blog. I appreciate the feedback.