Speaking up

23 Jul

Finally I spoke up to my ex.  After keeping my mouth shut for months.

And it felt good.  I’m not used to it.  I’m not used to saying what I need to say.

And, I felt a little bad for being a little mean.

But not as bad as I felt staying quiet.

I told him that when I see his car in the driveway I automatically get upset.

He can come see the kids when I am not here.

He needs to be invited for dinner and not just show up.  This is not his home.  It is my mother’s and we are lucky to be living here at all.  She doesn’t need an extra person to worry about.  It’s just her way and she won’t say anything.

He started interpreting what I said in a victim type way. It made me even madder.  Then I have to stress out even more trying to get to an interpretation of what I am saying.

Everything about him creates a pressure in my head because he twists my words.  I still want to freaking scream.

He said I don’t really talk to him.  That’s because I have so much anger and resentment that I had nothing nice to say.  But today, I exploded.

And, now we have to go into New York together to see our daughter.  I will let our son sit in the front and I will sit in the back and sleep.  I have to go get ready.  Adios.

I am not looking forward to this.

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