Why am I afraid to speak?

I have a very good friend who has been helping me.  He knows alot about me because of the type of healing that he has been doing.  And I am very grateful for everything he has done for me.

He has been learning a new technique for healing and not been charging me.

It’s great.  So what’s the problem?

He has made comments about us having sex.

And that made me uncomfortable.

And I haven’t said anything.   And it’s just like with the girl at work that I wrote about this week.  It’s like I can’t talk.

Am I’m afraid.  I’m afraid maybe I made that up.  Maybe he won’t want to be my friend anymore.  Maybe I’m too immature.  Maybe alot of things.

And I am literally frozen in terms of talking about it.

I could say, “I’m uncomfortable with this conversation.”

Or with the topic.  Or having sex without a committed relationship.  Or anything.  And why would that be bad?  Why am I afraid?

Maybe what that means about me.  Do I have a problem?  Am I uptight?

Or I could give up my disempowering conversations about myself:

I can’t trust myself.

I do stupid things.

I shouldn’t be the way I am.

And, instead I can say I am a CRAZY GENIUS AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT AND NEED!!!  AND I’m not comfortable talking about having sex with you and would like to be able to since I’m not sure that is what I want to do.

There, I said it.  Sort of……..

And, I am going to send this by email to him once it’s posted, and see what happens!! It’s not speaking but it’s a form of communication.  And what’s the worst thing that can happen?  We will see…………….