Internal Dialogue – on loudspeaker?

17 May

Lately I’ve been in a lot of inquiries about our external vs our internal dialogues.  It’s a fascinating subject.

My simple summary is that our brains talk very negatively to us inside our heads.  The brain patterns were developed during events from our past.  They are designed to protect us from being hurt, embarassed, or repeating anything unpleasant.

But, the problem is that the brains learned these patterns when we were very young.  So, our capacities at that time were not very developed.

For example, when I was very young, my neighbors told me they were coming back for me in a few minutes and didn’t.  I waited for a couple of hours in their driveway.  So, anytime someone doesn’t show up when they said they were, I go into “my incident.”  The world sucks, I suck, I can’t count on anyone, I’m all alone, people lie, fuck them, something is definately wrong and I’m better off not getting my hopes up ever again, and it’s just easier to just be alone.

All because someone doesn’t show up.  I just go immediately crazy.

Over the weekend, a girlfriend of mine didn’t show up.  I was done with her.  Never would I make plans with her again.  I can’t count on her, etc.

Yesterday, one of my sales agents didn’t show up to an account after she said she would.  I automatically got into a bad mood.  The same story played:  I can’t count on anyone, I’m never using her at an account again, how dare she, etc.  When I woke up today, I still felt like the world sucked, and that woman is out of my life.

Today, in a continuing inquiry, I shared about my upset.

“Well, you just had your internal dialogue going.  That was all just going on in your brain,”  the conversation leader said.

“Well, what was I supposed to do?”  I defended myself.

“It’s not bad that you were.  It’s just all from the past.  What is something new that you could say?”

I knew all that happened was that Agent A didn’t show up.  The rest was my very young  brain patterns.  I wasn’t really sure.

“You just have to practice saying something new.  Not from the past.”

“Well, I know that what I would normally say would involve guilt and my own victimization,”  I said.  “I guess all I can do is practice.”

“That’s right,” the call leader said.  “Just reduce the percentage of the past showing up.  Get it from 90% to 80% and so on……….We are not practiced in these conversations.”

OK, I thought.  I will practice.  Because it’s got to be alot better then what I’ve been doing.   Wish me luck and stay tuned…………

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